


honey, you're familiar

by actuallyshua



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dialogue Heavy, Disability, Disabled Character, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29347080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyshua/pseuds/actuallyshua
Summary: Hyunggu felt like a teenager again. During the senior dance when Shinwon held him up as he tried to dance on legs that were growing weaker by the day. Maybe Shinwon had known it would be the last time.Hyunggu didn’t.He prayed it wouldn’t be.Shinwon smiled and Hyunggu was dancing.“There’s just a lot of unfinished business.”Or -Hyunggu's memories come back to life
Relationships: Adachi Yuto/Yang Hongseok, Kang Hyunggu | Kino/Ko Shinwon, Lee Hwitaek | Hui/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	honey, you're familiar

**Author's Note:**

> title from [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI0wUoCLnLk&ab_channel=HozierVEVO)
> 
> if you're new to my writing, then welcome! i'm a disabled person who often writes about my own experiences. this one in particular isn't anything i've been through. no lost high school loves >< but more of hyunggu's feelings. how he operates. 
> 
> anyway. this is my first pentagon fic.  
> i decided to split it up into two parts because that just felt right. 
> 
> i really hope you enjoy!

Bad days always seemed darker.

No matter how the sun kissed his skin as it poured through the window, no matter how many birds could be heard chirping outside of his window, everything seemed to be draped in an impenetrable veil of hurt.

Hyunggu tried not to let the veil consume him. He fancied it as more of a lace cloth over his face, air still able to escape so he could breathe, rather than wool pulled over his face. Suffocating him.

But, as with most things in life it seemed, that was always easier said than done.

Hyunggu was trying to distract himself with a movie he’d been wanting to see for a while. The previews made it seem dynamic, exciting, even with a hint of horror. But he was just staring, blank faced at the screen as the scenes flashed before him, nothing sinking into his mind.

He couldn’t even place a name on the main character.

Hyunggu felt a tap on his side. Then another.

It was the third one, paired with a high pitched whine, that snapped him back to reality. The screen became clear again and Hyunggu inhaled sharply, looking down to see two wide brown eyes looking up at him.

“Thanks, girl.” He reached down and patted in between Bambi’s eyes, rewarding her for the catch, “Don’t you ever get tired of working?”

Her response came in the form of her resting her head against his lap, a deep exhale through her nose. Hyunggu smiled and shook his head, once again feeling his heartbeat, knowing the answer. She’d spent her entire puppyhood learning how to take care of him.

Two years by his side now and she never gave up on him.

There was a rustling from down the hallway, followed by a loud bang and a shout of expletives, and Hyunggu looked down to Bambi, “Yuto’s awake.”

Yuto came into the living room, kicking a spare dog toy away from his feet and scowling as he did so.

“Good afternoon!” Hyunggu called, impressed to see his elusive roommate before four in the afternoon. A night owl as strong as they come, Hyunggu was always amazed on the days he’d see Yuto’s face while the sun was still up.

“Morning. You okay?” Yuto made a beeline for him, taking Hyunggu’s face into his hands, “You look pale.”

Hyunggu laughed lightly, wiggling his face away from the grip, “I’m fine. I just had a weird morning.”

Yuto continued to eye him for a moment before looking down at Bambi, “You’d tell me if he was lying, right?”

Bambi didn’t move her head from Hyunggu’s lap, instead just returned Yuto’s gaze before the man gave up and walked into the kitchen, “Have you eaten?”

“I had a smoothie earlier. My stomach hurts so I don’t think I could handle anything solid.”

He watched Yuto putter around, feeling a twinge of guilt as he cleaned up after the slight mess Hyunggu had left. There was only so much he could do. So far his body could take him. Yuto said he was used to picking up the bread crumbs Hyunggu would leave in his wake, he never paid it any mind.

“I got a text from the pharmacy that your meds are ready to be picked up.” Yuto held up an empty plastic bag, frowning at it, “And we need more bread.”

“Among other things. Bambi needs more food.”

“Oh. Yes. We cannot forget the princess and her food that’s far more expensive than anything you or I eat.” Yuto bit back, playfulness leaking from each word.

“It’s what her trainer recommended!”

“Well.” Yuto popped a strawberry in his mouth, “My trainer recommends that I eat prime rib every night, then.”

Hyunggu rolled his eyes at this, knowing full that Yuto’s only trainer was his boyfriend, Hongseok.

Speaking of.

“Didn’t Hongseok spend the night?”

“He left around six to go to the gym with Changgu. Right as I was falling asleep.” Yuto joined him on the couch, a plate of strawberries in his hands.

“I don’t know how you guys make that work.”

Yuto shrugged, like it was nothing, “We just do.”

They just did. Hyunggu stared at Yuto for a moment before turning his gaze back to the television. He still wasn’t really watching the movie. But now at least he was zoning out with real thoughts in his mind.

Hyunggu had known love before. But not in the way that Yuto and Hongseok did. Things didn’t just work for him the way they did for other people.

His love was something like a song that had fallen upon deaf ears.

A poem written in a journal that no one would ever read.

Because he never told anyone.

Hyunggu dug himself graves everyday.

One for his mind. One for his body. One for love.

Scattered about in the graveyard of his thoughts.

He thought about Shinwon almost everyday. Wondered what he was doing now, where he worked, what he studied in school.

If his laugh still sounded like spring rain. If his touch still felt like fire.

Yuto didn’t ask about him. Memories of high school friends fleeting his mind as they so often did for other people. There was never anything glamorous about those times, really. Not to normal people. Not to those who were able to move on. Hyunggu didn’t have that privilege, he supposed.

He thought he would by now. Instead, just as he was stuck here in this body, he was stuck in these memories. Shinwon pushing his chair around the hallways, chatting about how he was probably going to have to retake math again and his plans to charm their teacher into bumping him up to a passing C. Making the entire lunch table laugh as he told stories from his childhood.

Winning class clown.

Taking Hyunggu to their senior spring fling dance because Hyunggu “was the best date he could hope for.”

He wondered if Shinwon remembered saying that.

They lost touch after graduation. Everyone splitting off into adulthood, finding their way to the rest of their lives.

Shinwon was meant for great things. That was something anyone who was touched by Shinwon’s light could see.

He wasn’t meant for Hyunggu.

Or maybe that’s just what he told himself when he fell asleep at night.

“Hey.” Yuto’s touch fell softly against his leg, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Hyunggu quickly pulled his lips up into a smile, nodding just a few times, “Yeah. Like I said, just a weird morning.”

Yuto didn’t buy it, that was clear to see, but he decided to just go along with Hyunggu, “Fine, fine. Do you still want to meet up with everyone for dinner? Wooseok said he’s got that big surprise to share with everyone.”

“Oh yeah!” Hyunggu felt his spirits lift within him a bit, “What do you think it could be?”

Yuto shrugged his shoulders, a smudge of strawberry juice present on his chin, “With him? Who knows. All I know is we’re getting a free meal from Jangseng and I am absolutely going to run up his tab.”

“I can’t believe he agreed to Jangseng.” Hyunggu laughed, wondering when Wooseok seemed to stumble upon a spew of wealth, “It must be one hell of a surprise.”

A few hours later and Hyunggu found himself nestled between Hongseok and Yuto on the train, sleeves pulled over his hands to protect him from the cold. Bambi’s harness clenched in one of his fists as she sat next to him, eyes on him no matter how crowded the train got, and his ears ringing with their bickering. It was comforting, all of it.

Hyunggu didn’t often venture out into the city on his own. He didn’t like the way people stared. Children, he found, he didn’t mind. Their curious eyes were often level with his, staring at him with no pity, no malice, no sadness. Just the glow of childlike curiosity not yet dulled by adult life.

They’d ask their parents what was wrong with him, only to be quickly hushed and pulled away, disappearing into a crowd.

Hyunggu didn’t care about the question. He cared about the reaction.

He was always something to be dusted under the rug. Hyunggu was used to it by now, however. He hadn’t given up, per say, but he’d long since grown tired of fighting a losing battle against his body and the sickness that pulsed through it.

It was exhausting.

Eventually, Yuto and his other friends understood and stopped telling him to be strong. They adapted, the same way he had when his legs told him everyday that it was too painful to take a step.

It wasn’t giving up. It was moving on.

Hyunggu had been sick his entire life. Hospitals and nurses became more like home and family than anything and even when his mother would cry, when new treatments would prick and burn his skin, when pills would be too large to swallow, Hyunggu simply kept moving.

He got Bambi when he couldn’t lift things like he used to. When his mind would take him somewhere he was worried he wouldn’t be able to come back from. She got him water, remembered his medicine schedule, brought him back.

This was his life.

Posted between friends in a crowd of people living life from two wheels. A dog with a vest giving people even more signs to show just how different he was.

He looked up to Hongseok, who was caught in the middle of a yawn, and smiled lightly, “Did you have a good workout this morning?”

“Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up when I left. I tripped over one of Bambi’s toys.”

“You should train her to put her toys away.” Yuto chided, one of his hands resting on the back of Hyunggu’s chair.

“You didn’t wake me up, it’s okay. Do you have any idea what all this is about?”

Hongseok shook his head, “Wooseok is too good at keeping secrets to let any of the beans spill. Hoetaek has been grilling him about it for the past week. Nothing! He’s been building it up though, so I know it’ll be good.”

Their stop came and Yuto patted Hyunggu’s head, Bambi standing up as the train came to a stop. He and Yuto were close enough that his remark about having him around being a bonus made him laugh. It was nice, really, how people seemed to move out of their way more often than not.

They made it to the restaurant in a few minutes, the ambiance being one that Hyunggu had only heard about from Hongseok. He’d taken Yuto here on their second date, still trying to impress him with romance and dim lighting and expensive wines.

“Why don’t you take me to places like this anymore?” Yuto remarked as they entered, warmth surrounding Hyunggu immediately.

Hongseok snorted at this, “Why don’t _you_ take _me_ to places like this?”

Yuto didn’t have a reply to this, only tightened his lips and then raised his eyebrows with a flashy smile as Hoetaek approached them.

“Finally! We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Long time no see, man. You’ve been ignoring my calls.” Hongseok, after releasing Hoetaek from a quick hug, reached out and lightly punched his shoulders. Hoetaek moved onto Yuto before delivering the same greeting to Hyunggu.

“I would never. Work has been killing me. Can I say hi to her?” His eyes didn’t leave Hyunggu’s but his head nodded towards Bambi.

“Maybe later. She’s working right now.” He gestured around gently, “Busy crowd.”

Without missing a beat, Hoetaek waved it off with a smile, “No worries. She’s a busy girl. Come on to the back. You guys aren’t going to believe this.”

They were led back to one of the private booths, a large circular table in the center and velvet curtains surrounding it. There was a missing chair in one spot. Left for Hyunggu.

Yuto whistled and took a few steps around before landing in front of the large, lit up aquarium that was built into the back wall, “God damn. Did Wooseok win the lottery or something?”

“Where is everyone?”

On queue, Yanan, Jinho, Changgu, and a very smug looking Wooseok entered the room, a bustle of loud hellos and various greetings filling the space. It was familiar and safe, warm and comfortable. Hyunggu never felt out of place amongst his friends.

“Cut the bullshit, man!” Changgu reached out, ruffling Wooseok’s hair roughly, “Why are we here?”

“Now, now. Let’s all relax. It’s been a while since we’ve all been together like this.” Wooseok grandly gestured to the table, Hyunggu sharing a knowing look with Jinho from across the room, “Let’s enjoy a drink before we get to the good stuff.”

Hyunggu felt sympathy for their server. A young girl who entered the room and seemed immediately overwhelmed by the energy simply radiating off of the group. She flattened the black apron around her waist before taking their drink orders, Hyunggu desperately trying to remind the men not to talk over each other.

A fruitless effort, really, and he flashed her a small smile before ordering his own drink.

A simple vodka martini.

“Would you like some water?” She asked after placing the small notebook in her apron pocket and Hyunggu furrowed his eyebrows, glancing towards the prefilled glasses on the table.

“We already have some, thank you.”

“I mean for your dog.” She smiled and pointed her pen under the table, where Bambi was curled at his feet.

He was slightly taken aback by the question, no one ever asking him that before.

“Oh. That’s so nice, thank you. She’d love that.”

With a nod, she disappeared behind the velvet and Hyunggu turned his attention back to the rowdy table. This group didn’t need any liquid confidence to make themselves loud, even clumsy. Hoetaek was in the middle of telling them about an unruly coworker, the broad hand movement he was making causing him to almost knock over a glass of water.

Yanan and Jinho were face deep in the bread basket, Hongseok leaning back in his chair with his arm draped around the back of Yuto’s.

Hyunggu’s eyes landed on an empty chair, in between Wooseok and Changgu. A mistake by the restaurant’s part, most likely. Maybe left for him.

The conversations, the laughter, the clapping and slapping of hands on shoulders continued as their drinks arrived and were sipped on. Hyunggu wasn’t much a drinker, couldn’t handle it the way Changgu and Hongseok could handle theirs, so he’d most likely end up nursing the icy martini glass for the better part of the evening.

Plus, he was sure he was the only one who had Wooseok’s wallet in mind.

“Alright.” Wooseok stood up and silence fell across the room, all eyes on him, “I know you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today.”

“What is this? A wedding? Oh my god.” Hoetaek turned to Changgu, fake gasping and covering his mouth with his delicate hands, “Babe, you shouldn’t have!”

“We’re not even engaged.”

“I know.” Hoetaek dropped his hands, “That’s the problem.”

“Will you two shut up?” Wooseok let out, Hyunggu swallowing his laughter, “It’s not about you! It’s about all of us. Well.” He paused and gestured towards Hyunggu and Yuto, “Most of us.”

Hyunggu and Yuto shared a confused look across the table before Hyunggu turned back to Wooseok, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about friendship. About memories! What have I always said about this group?”

“That you hate us.” Jinho spoke flatly.

“That we’re too loud.” Hongseok added.

Yanan raised his hand gently, “Not to call you after midnight?”

Wooseok sighed, laying his hands flat on the table and shaking his head, “No. That we’re missing something. A piece! We’re like a puzzle, right? A puzzle that only we can solve except there’s a corner piece that’s been missing.”

“Those damn corner pieces.” Changgu sarcastically spoke, earning a slap to his thigh under the table from Hoetaek.

“This is why I don’t do nice things for any of you.” Wooseok regained his composure, straightening out his blazer, “I’ve found the missing piece!”

Wooseok left the table, making his way over to the velvet curtain that they all entered in and pulled it back quickly.

If Hyunggu were standing, he was sure he would’ve fallen over.

If he could feel his legs at all these days, he was one hundred percent certain they would fail him and turn to jelly.

“Holy shit.” Yuto stood up from his chair, nearly knocking it back, “Ko Shinwon. Get the fuck out of here, man!”

Hyunggu’s eyes were burning as he watched them hug, flashes of them doing the same when they were fourteen dancing before him. Yuto released him and Hyunggu couldn’t hear the words that were spoken between them, just their hands on each other’s forearms, Shinwon’s smile working all the way up to his eyes.

Just as it always did.

“Hyunggu!”

Spring rain.

Shinwon made his way over to Hyunggu, crouching down in front of him.

He’d changed. His hair was a lighter shade of brown than he remembered and it was longer. It was becoming of him. Shinwon’s broad shoulders had filled out, the button up he was wearing hanging from them effortlessly.

But his eyes. His smile.

Just the same.

“I knew you would cry.” Shinwon spoke in a voice just for the two of them to hear. Hyunggu let out a laugh, wet and heavy, and quickly wiped away under his eyes.

“It’s really good to see you again.”

“Can I give you a hug?”

_I want that more than anything._

“Of course.”

Hyunggu fit into Shinwon’s arms just like he always did. Perfectly.

“Anyone care to explain to me what’s going on? And why is Hyunggu crying? No offense.” Hongseok gestured to Shinwon, who smiled as he released Hyunggu.

“None taken. I’m Shinwon, it’s nice to meet you guys. I went to high school with Hyunggu, Wooseok, and Yuto. It’s been.” He glanced over to Wooseok, who stepped back up to the table.

“Six years.”

“Six years!” Shinwon exclaimed, like he couldn’t believe it either, “Since we’ve seen each other.”

“Well, welcome! A friend of theirs is a friend of ours!”

Changgu looked at Hoetaek with a puzzled expression, “You’ve never said anything like that before.”

“It’s an expression.”

“Well, I’ve never heard it.”

“People say it all the time!”

Shinwon nudged Hyunggu.

Familiar fire on his skin.

“Looks like I’ll fit right in here.”

The dinner they all shared seemed to go by in a blur. Hyunggu wasn’t even sure what he ordered, if he ate it all, what the different bouncing topics of conversation were.

Of course Shinwon fit in. He always did. Hongseok was already leaning into him with laughter, the entire table swept up in his charms and charisma. Shinwon was a back porch light illuminating the night and they were all moths bouncing off of him.

He’d been in America. New York City.

Hyunggu imagined him there. All of the lights in his eyes. The friends he must have made.

“The big apple, huh? So what made you come back?”

Hyunggu perked up at Jinho’s question, just as eager to hear the answer.

“That was never really my plan for forever. It was fun while I was there. College was great and I had a steady job after graduation but I don’t know.” Shinwon set his glass down, condensation running over his fingers.

He looked up at Hyunggu and everything else in the room disappeared. There was no background noise. No other bodies.

Just them.

Hyunggu felt like a teenager again. During the senior dance when Shinwon held him up as he tried to dance on legs that were growing weaker by the day. Maybe Shinwon had known it would be the last time.

Hyunggu didn’t.

He prayed it wouldn’t be.

Shinwon smiled and Hyunggu was dancing.

“There’s just a lot of unfinished business.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ADACHIMVTH)
> 
> comments and kudos always appreciated


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